Asswipes
I can't believe the current ad campaign underway for Cottonelle bathroom tissue.
I Just Can't Believe It!!!!!
Toilet paper ads usually hawk their product from the angle that it is soft and comfy. Puhleeze Don't Squeeze the Charmin!. But Cottonelle is approaching it from an altogether utilitarian angle: You Wipe Your Ass With It!!!!!!. No, seriously. Their commercials show people jutting their asses towards the camera. And they are psyched about it. They have used Cottonelle, now they have a clean ass!!!!!
Butts everywhere. Clean, well-wiped, confident butts! Happy butts! Butts you can feel secure bringing out into the public because it is superbly sanitized and does not smell at all. When using Cottonelle, dexterously maneuver the tissue squares throughout the ass-crack region - expertly removing away all offensive expunged waste material (ie, SHIT). Smile America. Trust your ass with Cottonelle!

See the Cottonelle ad here.
Join Cottonelle's message board and discuss your favorite ass-wiping and shitting stories here.
Read Slate's commentary on the ad campaign here.