Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Toys in the Attic
It's official, Gov. Craig Benson is obsessed with his furniture. This past week, the Governor unveiled his "Kitchen Table" Budget. No doubt he crafted this plan while seated at his famed 3-legged office desk he brought to Concord with him from his days as head of Cabletron. What more can we expect from his apparent willingness to include his furniture in the various facets and functions of government?

Universal Remote Control: All decrees and functions of government will be enacted by a touch of the button. The Universal Remote will attempt to "learn" the various operations of each governmental department "Hi-Fi Component". If the Universal Remote does not recognize the signal from any said department then it will be automatically excised and replaced with a DVD player or TiVo machine - the money for which will come from expanded gambling.
Bedside End Table: The End Table will signify the location to which all important legislation will be placed. The Governor will pick up such legislation and absorb a few paragraphs before dozing off to sleep.
Medicine Cabinet: The Medicine Cabinet is where all drugs, personal hygiene products, and Health and Human Services will be stored. Generics will take the place of the items with the fancy logos. Once closed, the Governor will be able to stare back at his appearance and marvel at himself in the mirror.
Living Room Couch: The Living Room Couch will signify that compelling and mysterious place where unknown and surplus money will be found to close up any gaps in the NH Budget. All that is required is the courage to rummage around underneath the cushions!


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