Sunday, November 27, 2005

New American Face
During the last Blogger Brew, I stirred the coals with my proposed theory that teenage girls today exhibit what I have termed "The New American Face". My observations lead me to believe that teenage girls are proceeding through the next stages of evolution in matters of facial bone structure and features. I said that the hallmarks of the New American Face are that girls seem to have smaller, rounder heads with flatter faces, fuller cheeks, and eyes appear to be further apart than before.

Like all groundbreaking theories, my suggestions produced a storm of protest. Evidence! Evidence! - they shouted. Indeed, I offered up Tara Reid as Exhibit A, followed up by Lindsay Lohan and the entire female cast of Laguna Beach. Amazingly, my drinking companions felt that the entire theory was preposterous! Actually, all except Contagious - she bravely chalked herself up as a believer in the theory and its cosmos-reordering premise.

Anyhow, the detractors countered with the notion that the new teenage look is due to increased attention paid to things like hair, makeup, eyebrow plucking, and tanning. They said that today's teenage girls are just way more into a higher order of fashion and grooming than before - and that the New American Face is simply a trick of the light, so to speak.

Well, Kreblog has produced startling, groundbreaking, and dare I say debate-ending evidence in favor of the New American Face theory. Indeed, as the headline to this article reveals, Science has discovered that the human face is shrinking!

When the world is all abuzz about the changing physiology of the female face, let 'em know that you first heard it from GraniteRants


At 7:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would Britney qualify? Her eyes are certainly far apart, but I'm not sure how small her face is.

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Contagious said...

ha Ha! That's right people!

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Granite said...

Britney definitely qualifies.

At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Mrs. Rants. said...

I am one of those that beleives that the New American Face doesn't exist. When we were their age, we didn't get our nails done, get highlights in our hair or go tanning. Plus, these girls (at least the ones you have pointed out to me) look like they have a bit of leftover baby fat, making their faces fuller than the average adult's.

This article says that the face is getting smaller, not fuller! How does this prove your theory?

Stop looking at teenage girls!

At 11:06 AM, Blogger carpoolguy said...

Ahh, the truth comes out. There is no scientific research going on here. The New American Face theory is merely an excuse to surf the web looking for hot new faces. Any theories about "the New American Body"?

At 11:45 AM, Blogger YouWho said...

"But honey, I'm just doing research!"


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