Saturday, September 08, 2007

New American Eyewear
Mrs. Rants and I went to the beach and thought we wormholed straight onto the set of The Hills. Every girl wore fancy designer sunglasses. What happened to the simple ray bans or tortoise shell look?

The Left's Great Spokesman
Here is a translated transcript of Osama BinLaden's latest message.

In his message he:
-sounds like Michael Moore and rails against corporations and their influence
-sounds like Noam Chomsky and rails against American Empire and warmongering (Venezuela's Hugo Chavez also promotes Chomsky)
-sounds like Oliver Stone in describing the reasons behind the assassination of JFK
-sounds like Al Gore in railing against global warming and America's rejection of the Kyoto Treaty.
-sounds like with complaints about an impotent Democrat Party and those Democrats who continue to support the Iraq war.
-sounds like Cindy Sheehan in pitying the condition of the US soldier
-sounds like John Edwards railing against the burden of mortages and interest loan debt
-sounds like DailyKos, ranting about Cheney, Rumsfeld, and other supposed Neoconservatives
-sounds like ANSWER, proclaiming the truthfulness of No Blood for Oil

I wonder if Osama receives funding from George Soros?

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Mentally Going There
The worst thing about the Senator Seabass Larry Craig incident is that one can't help imagining how the hell a successful bathroom tryst works out mechanically. Does Larry Craig slide his waist underneath the stall or does he and the other go into the handicapped stall together (where there is more room)? What happens if there is a film of mung on the bathroom floor? Or all those little rogue squares of bathroom tissue laying around the can. How does one deal with all that bathroom mess that accumulates due to people using the airport bathroom for its intended purposes and not from the exotic activities that Sen. Craig sought? Is there an etiquette here? Senator Seabass Tappytoes disturbs the mind.